This is big...

I feel like a part of me is dying.
An old part of me.

I feel like the crysalis of my body is beginning to slough off.
It is rough, scaly like snake skin and moves past me.
With every step, I feel it dragging against the earth.
Bits and parts of it are beginning to fall off and I see a trail behind me.

I felt a pair of angel wings expanding out of my spine.
Their tips of light and iridescence.
Attached to these wings was a body, a human form.
It was slowly rising out of me, ready for all to see.

What is this...

As I listen,
I hear the muffled sounds of life.
Voices penetrating beyond my perception.
Music playing beyond my ears and somehow,
I'm listening to all of this.

This noise, this life.
This penetrating belief that I am becoming a warrior.
I want my awareness to stay in this consciousness that is not my own.
For you and I are divine beings.
Living a divine life.
I do not want to poison my system any longer with words, with thoughts, with closing my heart to the greatest lesson given on earth.

Do you know that greatest lesson?
It is to embrace being fully awake. It is to not deny this wakefulness, of being in relationship to your God-given design.

And then the noise becomes more silent.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.

The universe is honorable.

You are there...

I realize that I love you.

And I am afraid of you and all that you are.

I feel you in my bones, in my heart...

yet, I remain afraid.

Afraid of the power of Your love...

Where will you take me?

---

I will take you to the greater depths of who you are.

You are a child of God and the more you feel and sense that your entire being resides in my grace, I will bestow upon you everlasting peace. It will not falter. You will stand the test of time with Me. For I am here for you always and you will feel my presence forever.

Do not forget this. This is yours.

But what will happen to me? Why am I so afraid?

---

You are afraid because you have left me. You have resorted to leaving this Divine connection which is rightfully yours. You have left me. You have tried to find happiness in worldly events, relationships, and money. Yet, you still are not happy. I am here, dear child. Just reach out, I am no further than a breath away.

I have a date with you.

You will be there.
As I close my eyes, I will feel your hand against my heart.
I will feel your arms wrapped around me.
A tight embrace, similar to my son's.
I have lost sleep due to my anxiousness of being with You again.
I feel you as words of wisdom and ecstatic notes ring above my head.
You will be there and I have been looking forward to this meeting
once again.

I remember a time...

When I didn't have to think so hard...
about You.
about Life and who I am in it.
And somehow with all that surrounded me,
I knew You were there.

You sung to me in chords and melodies.
You danced with me on stages of bright light.
And then,
You appeared within calm waters, gracing my heart with your presence and reminding me that even through pain,
You were and will be there.

It's been a while...

But you are still on my mind...
Like a wandering branch that sits heavy with snow.
You move me beyond words, with feelings as heavy as the tears that flow from
my eyes
my heart.

And I still question who I am,
my job here on earth.
I realize that human experience is full of pain yet I maintain a stance
in the middle of
uncertainty and truthfulness.

With it all, You surround me.

Hello....

Why do you make us suffer?
Why is there so much pain?
We are sometimes not in control of what is happening, yet you are there
letting Your drama unfold.
What is my Dharma?
When I think there is a moment of knowing,
when I think there is a moment of clarity in knowing
who and what I want,
I end up stumbling.
Upon such sadness and weak feelings in that I am not capable of such tasks.

When I read Your teachings, You send confidence to my heart once again.
And I get scared.
Of the insanity that exists beyond ourselves.
The insanity that exists within communities.
And then I laugh, in disgust and shame.
But I remember that
all is God.