This is big...

I feel like a part of me is dying.
An old part of me.

I feel like the crysalis of my body is beginning to slough off.
It is rough, scaly like snake skin and moves past me.
With every step, I feel it dragging against the earth.
Bits and parts of it are beginning to fall off and I see a trail behind me.

I felt a pair of angel wings expanding out of my spine.
Their tips of light and iridescence.
Attached to these wings was a body, a human form.
It was slowly rising out of me, ready for all to see.

What is this...

As I listen,
I hear the muffled sounds of life.
Voices penetrating beyond my perception.
Music playing beyond my ears and somehow,
I'm listening to all of this.

This noise, this life.
This penetrating belief that I am becoming a warrior.
I want my awareness to stay in this consciousness that is not my own.
For you and I are divine beings.
Living a divine life.
I do not want to poison my system any longer with words, with thoughts, with closing my heart to the greatest lesson given on earth.

Do you know that greatest lesson?
It is to embrace being fully awake. It is to not deny this wakefulness, of being in relationship to your God-given design.

And then the noise becomes more silent.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.
I am not wanting to be in this suffering any more.

The universe is honorable.

You are there...

I realize that I love you.

And I am afraid of you and all that you are.

I feel you in my bones, in my heart...

yet, I remain afraid.

Afraid of the power of Your love...

Where will you take me?

---

I will take you to the greater depths of who you are.

You are a child of God and the more you feel and sense that your entire being resides in my grace, I will bestow upon you everlasting peace. It will not falter. You will stand the test of time with Me. For I am here for you always and you will feel my presence forever.

Do not forget this. This is yours.

But what will happen to me? Why am I so afraid?

---

You are afraid because you have left me. You have resorted to leaving this Divine connection which is rightfully yours. You have left me. You have tried to find happiness in worldly events, relationships, and money. Yet, you still are not happy. I am here, dear child. Just reach out, I am no further than a breath away.

I have a date with you.

You will be there.
As I close my eyes, I will feel your hand against my heart.
I will feel your arms wrapped around me.
A tight embrace, similar to my son's.
I have lost sleep due to my anxiousness of being with You again.
I feel you as words of wisdom and ecstatic notes ring above my head.
You will be there and I have been looking forward to this meeting
once again.

I remember a time...

When I didn't have to think so hard...
about You.
about Life and who I am in it.
And somehow with all that surrounded me,
I knew You were there.

You sung to me in chords and melodies.
You danced with me on stages of bright light.
And then,
You appeared within calm waters, gracing my heart with your presence and reminding me that even through pain,
You were and will be there.

It's been a while...

But you are still on my mind...
Like a wandering branch that sits heavy with snow.
You move me beyond words, with feelings as heavy as the tears that flow from
my eyes
my heart.

And I still question who I am,
my job here on earth.
I realize that human experience is full of pain yet I maintain a stance
in the middle of
uncertainty and truthfulness.

With it all, You surround me.

Hello....

Why do you make us suffer?
Why is there so much pain?
We are sometimes not in control of what is happening, yet you are there
letting Your drama unfold.
What is my Dharma?
When I think there is a moment of knowing,
when I think there is a moment of clarity in knowing
who and what I want,
I end up stumbling.
Upon such sadness and weak feelings in that I am not capable of such tasks.

When I read Your teachings, You send confidence to my heart once again.
And I get scared.
Of the insanity that exists beyond ourselves.
The insanity that exists within communities.
And then I laugh, in disgust and shame.
But I remember that
all is God.

You are here.

You are seen in all faces that I pass.

You are seen in all places where I land.

You are in earth below and sky above.

Please take me with you...

Everywhere.

Take me.

And don't let me go.

For if I fall, I'll drown in internal sorrow.

Searching...

My mind wanders.
It enters dreams and misunderstandings.
I find myself missing quiet.
I find myself looking deeper.

I miss certain things in my life.
Those things that have made me feel "human."
But I am now in search...
Search for something greater.

It's greater than you.
It's greater than me.
We are part of it.
We have simply forgotten which way to go.

Look within...

Go where you will,
to Benares or Brindavan,
Mt. Kailas or Badri,
Kedernath or Amarnath;
If you cannot find Him
in your own heart
you cannot find Him anywhere.
Give up this wandering friend!
Sit silent, look within,
Behold him in thy heart-temple'
he is shining ever there
From eternity,
He is the Light of lights
He is thy inner Atma:
So says Sivananda.

Prayer of St. Francis...

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is hatred let me bring your love
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord
and when there's doubt true faith in You

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy

Make me a channel of your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life

Om....

ॐ त्र्यम्बह्कम
यजामहे
सुगाहीम
पुश्दिवारोनाम
उर्वरुकमिवाबंदानाम
मृत्योर मुक्षिया माम्रितात

Om Tryambhakam
Yajamahe
Sugadim Pushdivaronam
Urvarukamivabandanam
Mrityor Mukshia Mamritat

Om Tryambhakam
Yajamahe
Sugadim Pushdivaronam
Urvarukamaviabandanam
Mrityor Muskshia Mamritat

Om Tryambhakam
Yajamahe
Sugadim Pushdivaronam
Urvarukamivabandanam
Mrityor Mukshia Mamritat

Where did you go...

Oh my Love.
Where did you go?
How come you have left me to read only Love poems
written by others who have missed You too?

I find myself looking for You everywhere.
In faces.
Places.
Leaves.
Grass.
Sky.
Sun.
Wind.
Smiles.
And You are there, yes You are.
I find that my days are so lonely without You, without your Presence.
Please hold my hand.
Grab it tightly.
I don't want to let go any longer.
Tie it to You, please.
But please, don't let me go.
For I will fade like sand leaving the shore.

Waves...

Waves tend to crash and subside. And I feel it all around me now. I have not been honest with mySelf, which has lead to me being dishonest to those closest to me. We are all looking for that perfect solution to everything: the perfect partner, the perfect financial situation, etc. And as I continue this ego-laid search, I make the waters much more rough for mySelf. I am afraid of where to go, who to talk to at times. And it leaves me speechless. And then I dive into my being and there..somewhere there, lies this quiet and beautiful flower. So perfect. So divine. And the sweet smelling aroma thanks God for the quiet. I want to bottle it up, always.

In the blue sky...

There is a breeze. It penetrates my pores and fills me with Light. I am so thankful for this breeze. It reminds me of how fast life moves. In, out, and through. Divine Light is always shining brightly on us. Hopefully, every single one of us will find all the answers in only this Light.

A box...

In every thing, there is Breath. Among the most mundane there is Life. To be honest, it's hard to find moments of constant Awareness right now.

Among the weeds, there are...

Melodies. Today, my son was calling these melodies. These little weeds with tiny white flowers. My first reaction was laughter, but after a while I thought to myself. Yes. These are melodies. They sing and give thanks to the Divine in a small community of their own. And I had to remind myself how beautiful these melodies truly are.

Night and day...

Among the Light, there is darkness. A darkness that seeps in due to natural circumstances. And beneath us all, lies this darkness, this inherent nature of ours that we either recognize or ignore. We either dance with it or hide away from it. So Light, attracts Light..but what happens to that dark. Does it remain..just sitting there idle-like? I'm pondering these things and I look forward to defining it for mySelf. Is ego strictly related to the Dark? I guess on many levels it may be associated with it. Can ego ever be seen with inherent goodness? Probably not. It's just ego with a little 'e'.

A breath...

What is challenging for me is always looking at that inner Light. That one that we all have, the one that we all forget to look at during chaotic moments in our lives. And I start to catch myself and go, oh, wait a second..here it is. And it's as if the "pause" button has been pressed on my life. As if ONLY the pause button is existing on my inner keyboard of letters, numerals, and voices. I am trying very hard to be mindful of that pause. For without it, I'm not sure where I would be. I heard some live music today. And it was real. The kind of music that takes you away and reminds you that we are all experiencing some sort of human pain or suffering. And it made me laugh inside. Smile. And while my ears were surrounded by soulful words of longing, all I could do was take a breath.

Digging in the dirt....

Today, I planted three irises. One large bulb had a small one attached. The other stood alone. I planted three for two reasons: 3 of us in this family and 3 because it is an auspicious number. It is auspicious since it represents birth, creation, and destruction. Or Brahma, Vishnu, and Siva, the Gods of the Trimurti. Brahma is the God of creation, with his wife Saraswati. Vishnu is the God of Intelligence, his wife Laksmi. Siva is the God of destruction. I feel that so much has happened in my life, this circular pattern of birth, life, and death. And I'm recognizing it everyday in my own child. I hope to pass on these small and significant factors in my life, the number 3 for example. And I continue to let go, slowly but steadily, to this inner Light.