Hello....

Why do you make us suffer?
Why is there so much pain?
We are sometimes not in control of what is happening, yet you are there
letting Your drama unfold.
What is my Dharma?
When I think there is a moment of knowing,
when I think there is a moment of clarity in knowing
who and what I want,
I end up stumbling.
Upon such sadness and weak feelings in that I am not capable of such tasks.

When I read Your teachings, You send confidence to my heart once again.
And I get scared.
Of the insanity that exists beyond ourselves.
The insanity that exists within communities.
And then I laugh, in disgust and shame.
But I remember that
all is God.

You are here.

You are seen in all faces that I pass.

You are seen in all places where I land.

You are in earth below and sky above.

Please take me with you...

Everywhere.

Take me.

And don't let me go.

For if I fall, I'll drown in internal sorrow.

Searching...

My mind wanders.
It enters dreams and misunderstandings.
I find myself missing quiet.
I find myself looking deeper.

I miss certain things in my life.
Those things that have made me feel "human."
But I am now in search...
Search for something greater.

It's greater than you.
It's greater than me.
We are part of it.
We have simply forgotten which way to go.

Look within...

Go where you will,
to Benares or Brindavan,
Mt. Kailas or Badri,
Kedernath or Amarnath;
If you cannot find Him
in your own heart
you cannot find Him anywhere.
Give up this wandering friend!
Sit silent, look within,
Behold him in thy heart-temple'
he is shining ever there
From eternity,
He is the Light of lights
He is thy inner Atma:
So says Sivananda.

Prayer of St. Francis...

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is hatred let me bring your love
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord
and when there's doubt true faith in You

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy

Make me a channel of your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life

Om....

ॐ त्र्यम्बह्कम
यजामहे
सुगाहीम
पुश्दिवारोनाम
उर्वरुकमिवाबंदानाम
मृत्योर मुक्षिया माम्रितात

Om Tryambhakam
Yajamahe
Sugadim Pushdivaronam
Urvarukamivabandanam
Mrityor Mukshia Mamritat

Om Tryambhakam
Yajamahe
Sugadim Pushdivaronam
Urvarukamaviabandanam
Mrityor Muskshia Mamritat

Om Tryambhakam
Yajamahe
Sugadim Pushdivaronam
Urvarukamivabandanam
Mrityor Mukshia Mamritat

Where did you go...

Oh my Love.
Where did you go?
How come you have left me to read only Love poems
written by others who have missed You too?

I find myself looking for You everywhere.
In faces.
Places.
Leaves.
Grass.
Sky.
Sun.
Wind.
Smiles.
And You are there, yes You are.
I find that my days are so lonely without You, without your Presence.
Please hold my hand.
Grab it tightly.
I don't want to let go any longer.
Tie it to You, please.
But please, don't let me go.
For I will fade like sand leaving the shore.

Waves...

Waves tend to crash and subside. And I feel it all around me now. I have not been honest with mySelf, which has lead to me being dishonest to those closest to me. We are all looking for that perfect solution to everything: the perfect partner, the perfect financial situation, etc. And as I continue this ego-laid search, I make the waters much more rough for mySelf. I am afraid of where to go, who to talk to at times. And it leaves me speechless. And then I dive into my being and there..somewhere there, lies this quiet and beautiful flower. So perfect. So divine. And the sweet smelling aroma thanks God for the quiet. I want to bottle it up, always.

In the blue sky...

There is a breeze. It penetrates my pores and fills me with Light. I am so thankful for this breeze. It reminds me of how fast life moves. In, out, and through. Divine Light is always shining brightly on us. Hopefully, every single one of us will find all the answers in only this Light.

A box...

In every thing, there is Breath. Among the most mundane there is Life. To be honest, it's hard to find moments of constant Awareness right now.

Among the weeds, there are...

Melodies. Today, my son was calling these melodies. These little weeds with tiny white flowers. My first reaction was laughter, but after a while I thought to myself. Yes. These are melodies. They sing and give thanks to the Divine in a small community of their own. And I had to remind myself how beautiful these melodies truly are.

Night and day...

Among the Light, there is darkness. A darkness that seeps in due to natural circumstances. And beneath us all, lies this darkness, this inherent nature of ours that we either recognize or ignore. We either dance with it or hide away from it. So Light, attracts Light..but what happens to that dark. Does it remain..just sitting there idle-like? I'm pondering these things and I look forward to defining it for mySelf. Is ego strictly related to the Dark? I guess on many levels it may be associated with it. Can ego ever be seen with inherent goodness? Probably not. It's just ego with a little 'e'.

A breath...

What is challenging for me is always looking at that inner Light. That one that we all have, the one that we all forget to look at during chaotic moments in our lives. And I start to catch myself and go, oh, wait a second..here it is. And it's as if the "pause" button has been pressed on my life. As if ONLY the pause button is existing on my inner keyboard of letters, numerals, and voices. I am trying very hard to be mindful of that pause. For without it, I'm not sure where I would be. I heard some live music today. And it was real. The kind of music that takes you away and reminds you that we are all experiencing some sort of human pain or suffering. And it made me laugh inside. Smile. And while my ears were surrounded by soulful words of longing, all I could do was take a breath.

Digging in the dirt....

Today, I planted three irises. One large bulb had a small one attached. The other stood alone. I planted three for two reasons: 3 of us in this family and 3 because it is an auspicious number. It is auspicious since it represents birth, creation, and destruction. Or Brahma, Vishnu, and Siva, the Gods of the Trimurti. Brahma is the God of creation, with his wife Saraswati. Vishnu is the God of Intelligence, his wife Laksmi. Siva is the God of destruction. I feel that so much has happened in my life, this circular pattern of birth, life, and death. And I'm recognizing it everyday in my own child. I hope to pass on these small and significant factors in my life, the number 3 for example. And I continue to let go, slowly but steadily, to this inner Light.

Sigh....

It's one of those weekends. When life hits you at its fullest. When moments change so suddenly, that all you have to do is SIGH. I think about it a bit and just give it up to the universe, to God. And I hope and pray that all my surrender is enough. Enough to get me through moments that can be hard and trying. I seem to only be satisfied nowadays with "True" conversation. On all things that we all question:

1. Who am I?

2. What am I doing here?

3. Why does it have to be this hard?

And yesterday, I had dinner and conversation with a dear friend who has let me borrow, "A Time to be Holy," by none other than Swami Sivananda Radha. I am completely drawn to all of her writings and feel that so many, so many answers lie within these smooth pages of ink.

I stood on my head today.

Yes. i stood on my head. my Yoga practice has been put to the wayside, but i started again today. tightness everywhere. but muscle memory is amazing. nostril breathing in headstand, sirsasana (sheer-sha-sah-nah), was a bit difficult. But afterwards, a feeling of lightness. Now if I can just stand on my head every single day. I have been immersing myself in books by Swami Sivananda Radha. And the one i'm reading now is called, "Kundalini Yoga for the West." There is a beautiful drawing of a woman standing on her head and next to her, a tree. upside down.

"The feet are now rooted in The Divine inspiration of heaven."

Feet are on the earth. The head is connected to the heavens or the intellect. Send yourself upside down and your feet grace this earthy blue. It is a feeling like none other. "There is a sense of "grounded" intellectual ablilities."

I remember standing on my head in the Bahamas, at the Ashram that I lived, studied and worked at for 3 1/2 months. And the beach platform was such an incredible place to practice. Turquoise water, white sand, and palms swaying overhead. Once I was in the pose, I felt my head against the hard wood, but there was a sense that my head was in the ocean. being splashed and hit with huge forceful waves. and then i'd connect, to the breath. and i'd find myself drifting into some sort of meditation. And i would gaze just a bit at the palm trees and then i'd feel dizzy.

i think everyone should stand on their head, every day, once a day. i wonder how different our world would be.

What do you do...

What do you do when your life is simply full? Do you runaway and hover around thoughts that are mindless and numbing? Or do you find those quiet spaces in between conversations and long days? Me, well, I find those quiet spaces, at least I try to. I find that space right inside of me that provides some inkling of an answer to all of those crazy questions. I let my dreams take a hold of me and move me to thoughts that leave me trembling. I like to be quiet. I like to be away from the noise of it all.